


Base Sweet Base

by Kanako_Hime, LadyOfSlytherin101



Series: The Guideline Crack Series [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki HQ, All kinds of rage, Alternate Universe, Awkwardness, Deidara's stupid spiders, Explosives, F/M, Female rage, Friendship, Gen, Girl Days, Hidan swears, Hilarity Ensues, Male rage, Memento Box, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Original Character(s), Pranks, Romance, Sexual Tension, Tobi is a cute kid, Tobi's Mask, Zetsu's not bad, tons of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-22 11:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7434287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanako_Hime/pseuds/Kanako_Hime, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOfSlytherin101/pseuds/LadyOfSlytherin101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living in Akatsuki HQ can be boring. It can be fun. It can make you want to stab someone (mainly Hidan). But it's also....home. Signed Ariana Oswald and Rosalie Tyler.</p><p> </p><p>Based off of Guidelines to Living in the Narutoverse (slightly) and taking Skipping Through's suggestion from fanfiction. Ariana and Rosalie are back! This is not canon to the original fic!!! We just tinkered around with some of the pairings and then posted our ramblings here. Enjoy!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Puppet Strings - Ariana

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Guidelines to Living in the Narutoverse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6419086) by [Kanako_Hime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanako_Hime/pseuds/Kanako_Hime), [LadyOfSlytherin101](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOfSlytherin101/pseuds/LadyOfSlytherin101). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ariana plays with dolls

Ariana sighed as she flopped onto the couch in the TV room.  She. Was. **BORED**. Sure, living in  _the_ Akatsuki HQ was something that most anime-nerds would kill for, but the truth was that it could be so damn boring living with ten S-Rank nin. There was always a mission to be done, paperwork to deal with, and Leader-sama kept everyone's nose to the grindstone. Well. Except her and Rosalie. He didn't really know what to do with them. Frankly, she didn't blame him. After getting over the initial shock, he'd tried to get them to do some work around the base but Rosalie.....well. Suffice to say, neither of them liked it, but her crazy friend had decided to do something about it in her interesting way and Leader-sama just left them be now.

She lay back against the cushions, absently noting that someone had put in another skylight.  _Wonder how long that's been there_ . Probably a couple of weeks; she was a little oblivious about this stuff. She pushed herself off of the couch and went walking around the base, peeking into a few rooms as she passed them by. Opening one  _particular_ door allowed her to discover she wasn't alone in the base, as she'd initially believed. Sasori was sitting in his workshop, hunched over his desk, and clearly tinkering with something or other. She stood in silence watching him for a few minutes, before starting to close the door.

"You know, you're not that quiet," the puppetmaster said drily, never taking his eyes off his work.

"Jesus, Danna, you gave me a heart-attack," Ariana accused, pressing a hand to her chest. 

"Come here."

"Say what?" Ariana blinked bemusedly at him.

"I hate repeating myself," the redhead grumbled. The girl shrugged and closed the door before making her way over to him, her eyes bright with curiosity.

"Did you need something?" he asked after a few moments of silence. She shrugged.

"I was just going for a walk," she replied, fiddling with a lock of hair. "I was curious about the puppets and thought I'd take a peek."

"Hm." Silence fell once again.

"Can you teach me?" she piped up suddenly. His hands stilled. "To make puppets, I mean."

Sasori glanced at her and then back to the puppet limb he was working on. Mentally shrugging, he handed the tool over to her. Ariana grinned and stepped up to the desk as Sasori began giving her a stream of instructions. They were so absorbed in their work that it was nearly midnight when they heard the others come home from their respective missions.

"I should probably sleep," Ariana yawned, covering her mouth with a hand. "Thanks for the lesson, Danna."

With a smile and a small wave, she headed towards the door, her hand just touching the cool metal of the handle when Sasori spoke.

"Come back again tomorrow," he instructed. Ariana turned back and smiled again.

"Sure thing, Danna. Good night," she replied, slipping out of the room. 

* * *

Four months later, Ariana was sitting on the edge of the desk as Sasori inspected her first puppet, though due to its small size, she called it a doll. Her heart was pounding as he checked every inch of it, sharp garnet eyes missing nothing. He glanced up at her, his expression blank.

"It's far from perfect," he said, "But for a beginner, it's passable."

"Wow, from you, that's practically busting out champagne," Ariana laughed, twirling a lock of hair around her fingers. Sasori smiled thinly back at her, the smile dropping when she glanced at her watch. "I have to go, Danna. Rosalie and me are going shopping for Konan's birthday," she rambled as she took her puppet and hung it with the others before making a bee-line for the door. "Can't be late-"

"Stay." She froze, slowly turning to stare over her shoulder at him disbelievingly. "Stay, Ariana."

She didn't move. Just stared at him with wide eyes that got even wider when he moved to stand in front of her and take a lock of her golden hair in his fingers before bringing it to his lips.

"Stay," he repeated. Ariana slowly came out of her stupor and smiled at him, touching his face with timid fingers. 

"For how long?" she asked quietly, holding a breath as Sasori pressed a small kiss into the palm of her hand.

"Forever sounds good," he replied and she laughed quietly.

"Forever, then," she agreed, pressing her lips to his in a sweet, gentle kiss.


	2. Forever - Rosalie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rosalie discusses forever with her Danna

Rosalie was tired. In an attempt to keep her entertained and not cause trouble, she had been sent off on a mission with Sasori. Nothing too strenuous, just information gathering. Since Sasori didn't want her slowing him down, she was allowed to ride on Hiroku's back. She wasn't walking, but Sasori had gotten her up incredibly early to complete the mission, hence why she was so tired. She decided that maybe talking to the puppet master would make her stay awake. 

"Hey Danna?" she asked, lying on her stomach. She had picked up the name from Deidara and had started using it too, much to Sasori's displeasure.

"What is it, brat?" Sasori rasped, his voice different than it was when he wasn't in Hiroku. He had started calling her brat as well, though it was said more as a term of endearment rather than one of annoyance. 

"What is art?" she questioned. She had already known about the famous rants about whether art was eternal or fleeting, but she wanted to hear it for herself.

"Art is eternal, it's beauty meant to last for lifetimes for others to see. Art deserves to be preserved," Sasori replied. 

"Like your puppets," Rosalie replied cheerfully.

"Hmm?" Sasori wasn't sure what she meant by that, but he was curious as Rosalie proved to be rather insightful from time to time.

"Well, your puppets, even if they are made from humans, will last forever. In a way, you're preserving the image of the person who once lived. It's.... Like you're keeping some part of them alive in a way. Preserved as a memory. If you used them for something else, it'd possibly bring solace to the people they left behind, a way for them to look at their loved ones, seeing them look as they did in their youth or life. It's like they're still here with us." 

Sasori was silent as he continued on their way. He had never thought of it that way, though in a sense, that was what he had done with his parents when they had died. He wanted to keep their memory alive, like they were still there with him. But he realised that they'd never truly be there, just puppets with unseeing eyes and cold limbs. If he was a puppet, then he wouldn't feel the loss and emptiness they had left in the wake of their death. "You're such a brat." He told her, not betraying what he was thinking.

Rosalie simply smiled, letting her arms coil loosely around Hiroku's neck. "I know, Danna. I love you too." 

Sasori paused for a fraction of a second, but continued on like nothing had happened. It had been a long time since anyone had said that to him."Hm, maybe you aren't so bad after all, Brat. But if you tell anyone about this, I'll turn you into a puppet." 

"Then you can keep me forever." Rosalie replied sleepily, totally unfazed by his threat.

"Hm, forever..." he mused as Rosalie drifted off to sleep on his back. The girl was strange, he'd admit that, but she was strange in a rather good way, something he'd never admit to out loud. It would be something he'd keep to himself, buried deep in his still human heart. "Sleep well, brat." He did want to keep her forever, forever his little doll.


	3. Lesson - Ariana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Deidara really asks for it

Ariana was pissed. No, scratch that. She was  **PISSED** . She was storming through the base practically spitting fire as she thundered down each corridor to her destination.

"Deidara!" she snarled, kicking the door open with a bang. "What the actual  _fuck_ ?"

"What, un?" the explosive-nin snapped. Ariana jabbed him in the chest with the tip of a kunai (courtesy of Tobi).

"Don't you 'what' me!" she growled. "Your damn clay spiders were in my room  **again!** They blew up my wardrobe, you little shit!"

Deidara snorted; he couldn't help it. But it was clearly a bad move on his part when he saw Ariana's eyes narrow into slits.

"Oh, you think this is funny, huh?" she breathed, backing out of his space. "You wait, Deidara. Just you fucking  _wait_ ."

The blond shinobi rolled his eyes, yelping when a kunai whizzed through the air and landed in his shoulder. He swallowed a little nervously.

_Maybe it was a bad idea, un._ He paused and then snorted, pulling the kunai out of his flesh. Whatever.  _She'll forget by the end of the week, un._  

* * *

 

Deidara made his way to the living-room the following evening, intent on finding Ariana. She'd been ignoring him all day, refusing to go on their mission together and told Leader-sama, in front of everybody, that she 'refused to work with a pyromanic bitch'. He'd kicked up shit for it, but Leader-sama just paired her with Konan, while he was stuck with boring old Sasori-no-Danna, who didn't even understand the meaning of art. Stupid girl didn't have to get into a snit over a damn prank. He pushed the door open and stared, gobsmacked. There were beer bottles, half-made clay animals, paper bombs and motherfucking  _condoms_ everywhere. He was pretty sure the room wasn't like that that morning.

"Deidara-senpai!" a shocked voice came from behind him. He whipped his head around to see a mentally-scarred Tobi and Rosalie in the hallway. "You made such a mess! Leader-sama-senpai will be so mad!"

"Listen here, un," Deidara snarled, moving towards the nin and yanking his ear. "I didn't make the mess! I just found it like this, un!"

"But senpai, Tobi knows you're the only one with those weird balloons!" Tobi insisted with wide eyes, pointing at one of the condom-piles. The explosives-nin facepalmed.

"They're called _condoms_ , Tobi," he repeated for the millionth time. "And you wear them when-"

" **LEADER-SAMA! DEIDARA'S RUINING TOBI'S INNOCENCE! AND I THINK HE HAD AN ORGY MARATHON!** " Rosalie shouted from behind Tobi.

_Shit!_

Deidara began to sweat as Pain and Konan rounded the corner in seconds and poked their heads into the living-room. They looked a little pissed.

"Deidara," Pain began, "What is the meaning of-"

"Leader-sama!" An annoyed Hidan rounded the corner, a towel the only thing preserving his modesty. "That fucking blond cock-sucker put his damn fucking clay into my shower! The whole thing exploded! The old miser is going to make me pay a fucking fortune!"

"Deidara!" Pain snapped, "I thought you'd grown out of your pranking phase."

"Leader-sama, it wasn't me, un!" Deidara insisted. 

"As if, you dumb shit-fuck!"

Konan sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead.

"Everyone just calm down," she said loudly. "Hidan, go and use the shower in the guest room. I'll talk to Kakuzu. Pain, you go back and finish your dinner. Rosalie, try and help Tobi get over whatever trauma this whole mess has inflicted. We may need to have the birds and the bees talk again." She waited until the others had left before fixing a steely glare on the now quaking shinobi before her. "You will clean up this mess," she said slowly, venom dripping from every word. "You have one hour. Are we clear?"

"Y-Yeah, un." 

* * *

"I fucking hate my life, un," Deidara muttered to himself as he made his way down to his room. "I didn't do any of that, un."

The question was, who did. Tobi was normally the pranker, but he was practically a kid. Condoms were not his thing. Hidan was one option, as was Rosalie. A nasty thought wormed his way into his head.

_No. She wouldn't, un. Would she?_

Sprinting the rest of the way to his room, he threw the door open to see Ariana lounging on his bed in  _his_ bathrobe, messing about with  _his_ clay. Now he was pissed.

"Oh, Dei-chan," she cooed, smiling. "I take it you found my little surprise."

"What the _fuck_ , Ari?" he snarled, slamming the door and stalking over to the bed. "Do you have any idea how many condoms I had to pick up?"

"About twenty-five boxes," she quipped, grinning as she sat up. "It was awkward trying to buy those in the Village. I ended up going to Kiri and Iwa for some of them just so there wouldn't be any questions asked."

"Why though!?" he yelled, throwing his hands up. "It was a harmless prank, un! You can always get more clothes!"

"Of course, but I wasn't upset about my _clothes_ ," she snapped, all traces of humour gone. "My memento box was in there!"

"Your _what_ , un?"

She sighed, and brought out a smallish wooden box from behind his pillows. She pulled off the lid, silently inviting him to look. With a huff, he sat on the bed next to her. There seemed to be nothing valuble in there; a few notebooks, a long feather with a sharp metal point on the end, some Hitai-ate from the five Villages and one from Ame, a silver pocket-watch and a small bundle wrapped in black material.

"What's that, un?" he grunted, poking at it. She swatted his hand away and very carefully removed the bundle and unwrapped it. Nestled in the black cloth was a small clay bird.

"Is that-"

"Yep," she answered shyly. "It's the first clay bird you made me. I was scared that your spiders had gotten into the box and blew up all my stuff. You want to know something weird, though?"

"What, un?" Deidara asked quietly.

"I was more worried about a little clay bird then any of this stuff," she explained, stroking the beak with a delicate finger as she glanced up at him. "So I'm sorry for-"

She was cut off as Deidara tackled her, pinning her onto the bed and kissed her fiercely. The bird landed harmlessly on the covers as the pair became engrossed in each other, only parting when oxygen became a priority.

"You too?" she asked breathlessly. Deidara grinned, brushing some hair out of her eyes.

"Always, un." 


	4. Explosive Fun - Rosalie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rosalie makes a deformed turtle and explosive fun leads to other fun.

Boredom was never a good companion for Rosalie. She usually got into trouble when she was bored. She rolled off her bed and hit the floor, laying there for a moment before she got up and trudged out of her room. She wandered the base before she decided to go see what Deidara was up to. She found him in his workshop, busy moulding more clay. She walked up behind him and draped her arms around his shoulder as she pressed into his back. "Dei....!" she whined softly.

 

"What, un?" Deidara asked, not bothering to look up.

"I'm bored! I want to learn about your art." 

Deidara paused. This was a first. Sasori-no-Danna had usually kept Rosalie to himself and filling her head with the idea that art was eternal. "Really, un?" 

She nodded against his back. "Yup." 

Deidara turned so fast that Rosalie ended up toppling in his lap, not that he minded. He smirked when he noticed her cheeks turned rosy. "I'll be more than happy to teach you, un." 

"Great.... Let me go now?" she smiled, giggling nervously.

"Nope, un." He turned around in his seat, keeping Rosalie firmly in his lap as he got her hands wet with some water he had on his work table and helped her to start moulding a lump of clay in front of them. Normally he would have used the mouths on his hands, but he had a feeling that she wouldn't have appreciated that. He walked her through the steps and let her do her own thing, curious to see what she would make. 

About half an hour and much cursing later, Rosalie proudly held up her masterpiece.... If you could call it that. It looked like some deformed turtle, though he was sure that wasn't what she was going for. She looked up at him, her big green eyes meeting his own, looking expectant.

"It's... Er... Nice, un." 

"No it's not. It's crap," she told him bluntly. 

Deidara stared at her for a moment. "Want to throw it at Hidan, un?" 

She smiled widely. "Hell yeah! Will it explode?" 

"Of course, un." 

"Yes!" she giggled as she slid out of his lap, pushing back stray curls of her red hair that escaped her bun. She bounced on the edge of her feet as she waited for Deidara to gather up some clay spiders and followed him out to the roof. 

They didn't have to wait long as Hidan came towards the hideout, back from a long mission.

Rosalie giggled evilly as she took aim and launched the deformed turtle at Hidan, smacking him square in the head. 

Hidan started and caught the turtle. "The fuck is this shit?" 

"Katsu!" 

"The fu-!"

**BOOM!**

"Score!" Rosalie cheered, accidentally revealing their hiding spot. She paused mid cheer as she locked eyes with the singed and more than pissed off Hidan. "Oh fuck me... Run for it!" She scampered with Deidara close at her heels. 

Hidan followed them, waving his scythe about and yelling about how he was going to cut them to pieces and sacrifice them to Jashin. 

They managed to evade him and hid in a closet, listening to Kakuzu stopping Hidan and dragging him off somewhere. 

Rosalie stiffened when she felt Deidara's hands on her hips. "Dei, the only reason you should be touching me is because this closet is cramped." She blushed and prayed he couldn't feel how fast her heart was beating when he leaned in closer, his warm breath brushing against her ear.

"What are you going to do about it, un?" he teased before he leaned back a bit and claimed her mouth with his, pulling her against him tightly. 

She didn't fight him, kissing him back fiercely and letting him hoist her up against the wall, wrapping her legs around his waist. She tangled her fingers in his long hair, pulling on it a bit and earning a nip at her waist from the two mouths on his hands. She squealed in shock before falling into a fit of giggles that Deidara quickly silenced.

Hours later they emerged, clothes and hair incredibly mussed and tangled, looking incredibly pleased with themselves.

"Do you want to continue this in my room, un?" Deidara asked, smirking as he leaned over the redhead.

Rosalie giggled. "I thought you'd never ask." She squealed when Deidara picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her off to his room.

Let's just say they didn't come out for the rest of the night. 


	5. Starlight - Ariana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Akatsuki go to a resort

"Ahh this is the life," Ariana sighed as she stretched out on the comfy bed.

"I can't believe Kakuzu actually agreed to it," Rosalie agreed from the next bed. 

"Leader-sama ordered it," Konan interjected as she pursued the little menu on the table. "The old miser had to suck it up. Besides, everyone was being run ragged. We needed this."

Ariana had to agree. While neither herself or Rosalie were kunoichi, they had been under a ton of pressure lately with all of the missions the Akatsuki had gone on. Hidan managed to get his head ripped off  _ five _ times, Sasori's puppet body had given out because he hadn't had time to do maintanence checks, and two of Leader-sama's Path bodies had been destroyed. What with keeping the base running, taking care of the injured nin and trying to find two new bodies for Leader-sama, the girls had been run just as ragged as the Akatsuki. Then out of nowhere, Kakuzu had announced last night at dinner that they were heading to a resort for a week to rest and recuperate. Sure, he'd been rather grumpy about it, but no-one had really cared in the excitement that they'd  _finally_ get a break. But knowing Kakuzu, he was probably bemoaning the loss of money. The old bastard was pretty tight-fisted when it came to currency.

"Come on, I think there's a spa downstairs," Konan announced, wrapping her terrycloth robe around her. 

"But I'm hungry!" Rosalie whined. Konan smirked, waving the menu at her.

"They'll bring it to us," she assured the pouting girl who immedietly brightened.

"Then what are we waiting for?" she said excitedly, "Come on!"

She grabbed both women by their arms and ran out of the room, dragging her friends like ragdolls behind her. They didn't fight it. They were used to it by now.

* * *

Hours later, feeling incredibly relaxed and pampered and filled with good food, Ariana went onto the roof and lay back, looking at the stars and just taking a breather. She was beginning to doze when someone poked her, startling her.

"Stay awake," a man grumbled.  _Kakuzu_ , she realised as she sat up. "If you go to sleep out here, you'll get sick and we'd have to spend money to get a doctor for you."

"Ouch," she winced. "That hurt me deep, you know. I may never recover."

"I'll apologise to your casket," he deadpanned.

"Are you sure you won't just have Deidara set me on fire?"

He thought about that for a moment.

"Nah. We can afford a cheap enough casket."

"You're so generous. Much appreciated." They sat in contented silence for a while. "Are you okay?" she asked eventually. "You're a little more grumpy then usual."

"Hidan was being a brat," Kakuzu sighed. "He and Kisame were having a spar and the idiot managed to land on his own scythe. Bled out all over the carpet  _and_ one of my money-cases."

" _Shit_ ," she breathed. "Hidan would, wouldn't he."

"Everything is just so damn expensive," the man groaned, lying back and closing his eyes. Ariana watched him for a moment, an idea entering her head. She grinned.

"Hey, Kakuzu?" she asked, leaning towards him a little.

"What?" he grumbled, keeping his eyes shut. Taking a breath, Ariana leaned down until her lips were right beside his ear.

"I'm free," she whispered, giving his cheek a quick kiss. He still didn't open his eyes, but one of his hands landed on her hips and pulled her towards him. She squealed and leaned back before he plonked his head in her lap, keeping his hand firmly on her hip while the other lay on his stomach.

"No," he murmured, "You're mine."

Put like that...well....how could she refuse? Ariana smiled and looked up at the stars as Kakuzu dozed in her lap, both of them perfectly content. 

A perfect end to a perfect day.


	6. The Miser's Girl - Rosalie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rosalie acts as bait

Being around Kakuzu wasn't so bad. Things were quieter with him and Rosalie enjoyed the quiet once in awhile. Kakuzu was currently teaching her bookkeeping and she found she had a knack for it, earning a pat on the head from Kakuzu. She showed him coupons in return and she swore his eyes just lit up. They now had more supplies than ever before at practically no cost. And Ariana said she was crazy for collecting coupons.

Today, she and Kakuzu were out on a bounty hunt, one that would pay an enormous amount. Kakuzu normally didn't like taking her on these things, but she was a better option than Hidan, plus the target was a known womaniser. Hence why Rosalie was with him, she was to be bait. 

Kakuzu really didn't like this plan, but Rosalie was the only one at the base at the time and she volunteered. 

They arrived at the inn they were staying at, cheapest room naturally and Rosalie got dressed in her disguise. It was a bit revealing, leaving her arms and shoulders bare and showing a bit of her cleavage off. The skirt wasn't as bad, only reaching her knees, but for Kakuzu, it was too much and he didn't like the idea of men drooling over her. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he questioned, watching as she hid a variety of weapons on her, including a vial of poison between her breasts that she would use to poison the target's drink later on. 

"I'm sure, Kuzu," she said, brushing out her hair. She pinned the sides of her hair back with a pretty comb she had picked up, letting the rest of her curls drape down her back. She applied a small amount of makeup to highlight her features and slipped on her shoes. She took the wire Kakuzu held out to her and concealed it on her person. 

"Any sign of trouble, I'm going in after you," he told her, his tone leaving no room for argument. 

She nodded and stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his mask covered cheek. "Thanks for looking out for me, Kuzu." She smiled at him sweetly before walking out the door. 

Kakuzu stood there for a moment, hand drifting to the spot where she had kissed him. "Ridiculous," he grumbled as he followed her out and hid where he could keep an eye on her. 

It didn't take long for their target to approach her, obviously drunk already. Rosalie played her part well, giggling at the right moments and leading him to a busy bar.

Kakuzu followed them in, using the crowd to his advantage. His fists clenched when Rosalie leaned forward, displaying more of her cleavage and letting the target put his hand on her thigh. Still, they had to collect a bounty on this man and he couldn't let his emotions get in the way. 

Rosalie wasn't stupid, she could feel Kakuzu's anger all the way across the bar. She cringed mentally as the target put a hand on her thigh, obviously staring at her chest. She ordered drinks again and he drank them both before she could drug one. This wasn't going well. It was going to be hard to slip the poison into his drink if his eyes were glued to her breasts. She stiffened when his hand slipped further up her leg, heading for an area she really didn't want him in. She started twisting away when he grabbed her arm, dragging her from her seat and towards the entrance of the bar.

Kakuzu saw red as he pushed his way through the crowd and punched the man in the face, sending him flying over the bar. "Keep your hands off my woman!" He wasn't one to lose his temper, but seeing that lech put his hands all over his Rosalie and try to drag her off was the last straw for him. He paid no mind to the other patrons in the bar as he dragged the body out from behind the bar and grabbed Rosalie tightly by the wrist. Once they were outside, he hoisted her up into his arm and carried her back to their room, dropping her off on the balcony. "Stay in the room and don't come out. I'm going to take care of the body and drop off. I'll come back for you and that dress better be gone by the time I get back," he warned before disappearing into the night. 

Rosalie stared after him, still in shock.  _Did he really call me his woman? Strange._ She'd worry about it when he came back.

* * *

Utterly ridiculous. He lost his temper over a woman. He was an old man for Kami's sake, much too old to be going after Rosalie. She was still young and could have any man she wanted. There would be no way she'd be interested in him. He dropped the body off at the bounty office nearby and got the promised payment. He travelled back and entered through the balcony, making a note to scold Rosalie for leaving the window unlocked. 

Rosalie was fast asleep in the only bed in the room, all traces of what happened earlier that night gone from her person. She had dressed in one of the oversized shirts she was so fond of, curled up into a ball. She looked so young and carefree in that moment, making Kakuzu snort. 

Rosalie opened her eyes as she heard Kakuzu rusting around as he removed his mask and cloak, pulling the cloth from his head. She sat up and watched, fascinated when she saw all the stitches he had all over his upper body and the masks sewn into his back. She got up from the bed and walked over to him.

Kakuzu knew she was awake and heading his way, but pretended he hadn't noticed. He stiffened when her fingers touched his back, tracing the stitching. 

"Kuzu, did you mean it?" she asked, her voice soft.

"What?" he grunted.

"That I was your woman?" 

"Go back to bed. I'm too old for you. You can do better than me," he told her, shrugging her hands off him.

Rosalie wasn't one to be deterred, too stubborn for that. Despite being a grump, Rosalie really did care for him. She walked in front of him, standing on her toes and wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her level. "I don't care. I love you, Kuzu." She kissed him soundly before letting him go and going back to bed. 

Kakuzu stood there in stunned silence before kicking off his shoes and climbing into bed. He pulled Rosalie's smaller body into his larger frame, wrapping his arms around her until her back was against his chest. "You are _my_ woman, remember that. If I see another man flirting with you, I'll rip his heart out." 

Rosalie smiled, knowing that was Kakuzu's way of saying he loved her back. "Whatever you say, Kuzu, whatever you say." She drifted off to sleep in his arms, feeling content and safe. 

 


	7. The Witching Hour - Ariana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ariana's cat Severus is introduced

**BOOM.**

The windows of Ariana's bedroom shook as light flashed for a moment. She glanced up from her book, startled. On the bed beside her, her cat hissed, arching his back as he stood. 

"Oh now, it's okay Sev," she cooed, petting the fluffy black fur, "It's just a storm, you're fine. Good boy! Aren't you the best kitty?"

The cat settled back into the covers purring, as his owner stood and went over to the window, staring out at the city below. There were some perks to having HQ in a tower, and the view was definitely one of them. She watched for a while as the rain fell in sheets on the buildings below, lit up by the occasional flashes of lightning. After a while though, she began to shiver, so she left her spot by the window to go down to the kitchen and make a hot drink, Sev hot on her heels.

She puttered about the kitchen as quietly as possible, making a pot of tea and some sandwiches to take back up to her room when another flash of lightning lit up the room. A hiss and a long string of curses startled her, and she dropped the (thankfully empty) teacup with a smash onto the floor. She whirled around, gaping when she saw Hidan of all people sitting under the breakfast bar, glaring daggers at Sev, who was giving as good as he got.

"God Hidan, what the hell?" she snapped, bending to pick up the shards of china. "Are you trying to usurp Jiriya's title of Super-Pervert? Cause it's bloody well working!"

"Shut the hell up, bitch!" the immortal snapped, "It's everyone's base so I can do whatever the fuck I want!"

"Oh, not this argument  _again_ ," Ariana groaned, dumping the china in the bin and getting out a fresh cup. "Do we really have to do-"

Her words were drowned out by a bright flash and a loud rumble of thunder. Ariana's attention, however, was solely on the immortal under the breakfast bar who honest-to-goodness  _yelped_ and buried his face in his hands, muffled curses reaching her ears.

"Hidan?" she asked cautiously, putting down her teacup. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He didn't say anything. It suddenly clicked in her head. "Are you afraid of  _thunder and lightning_?" she asked incredulously. " _S_ _eriously_? You know it can't hurt you, right?"

"Shut the fuck up, you cock-sucker!" he snarled, leaving the sanctuary of the breakfast bar to stalk out of the room. "The fuck do you know?!"

Ariana watched him go with a thoughtful look on her face. She leaned against one of the counters, drinking her tea slowly and giving small bites of her sandwiches to Sev. She washed up, let the cat out to do his thing and then walked back up to her room. She opened the door and Sev darted him, jumping lightly onto the bed while his mistress waited in the doorway. Eventually, she sighed, closed the door and headed back down the corridor.

Knocking on Hidan's door didn't yield any results, so she just pushed it open. His room was in the usual clothes-bomb-has-exploded state, but there was no sign of him. Pressing her lips together in a firm line, she skirted around the small mountain range of clothes and threw open the doors of the wardrobe. Hidan was inside, knees curled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. It was weird. It was adorable. It was fucking blackmail. Grinning, Ariana took out her phone and snapped a picture before tapping Hidan on the arm.

"Hidan?" she tried when he didn't respond.

"Go the fuck away," he muttered. She frowned.

"Hidan."

"What?!?"

"Fuck me."

" **FUCKING WHAT?!?!!** " he yelped, his head snapping up to look at her so fast that he hit it off the back of the wardrobe. He winced, rubbing the sore spot for a moment and then stared at her. She smirked. 

"What happened?" she questioned. Hidan dropped his gaze. "You can talk to me, you know," she prodded. "I won't tell any of the others."

"I got caught out in a thunderstorm when I was a kid," he mumbled, picking at a fraying thread in his sleeve, "I got hit by lighting. It hurt like you wouldn't fucking believe."

"I can only imagine."

"I didn't know that I was...well...you know. It was fucking creepy as hell. I thought I'd died, and then I was back up in a couple of minutes. It was..."

Ariana sighed, and then held out a hand. He stared at her blankly, blue eyes staring calmly into purple.

"Come on," she said impatiently. "I'll help you out this one time. Do your weird ninja thing and zoom us to my room."

Confused, but for once silent, Hidan took her hand and they flickered to the door of her room. Walking inside, Ariana motioned for him to come in while she closed the curtains and got something out of her desk before pulling him towards the bed.

"Eager, are ya?" he grinned.

"You're a fucking riot, you are," she deadpanned, throwing a blanket at him she moved towards the lamp. "Besides, if you tried anything, Sev'd have your balls as toys. Now shut up, lie down and put these in your ears."

Hidan frowned but obeyed, lying as far away from the hissing cat as possible as the light switched off. Ariana got into bed, and pressed a button in the weird device she'd handed him, causing music to play in his ears. One of her hands began to stroke his hair and slowly, the tension eased from his body.

"If you fucking breathe a word..." he warned drowsily. He felt her giggle and she pulled out one of the earbuds for a moment.

"Not a soul," she promised, pressing a kiss to his forehead and slipping the earbud back in. "Go to sleep, Hidan."

Within minutes, the immortal was out for the count, wrapped in Ariana's arms and feeling, for the first time in a long while.....

Safe. 


	8. Off With His Head- Rosalie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hidan screws up and Rosalie goes insane

He fucked up! She had been enjoying her day when Hidan had decided to be an asshole and ruin her day! 

 

She stood in the doorway of her room in disbelief before her face contorted in anger and she let out the shrillest scream of rage that was not only heard all over the base, but all over the town they were staying in. 

Nervous civilians and ninjas alike looked up at the base in fear, knowing that scream didn't bode well for whoever was on the receiving end. 

" **HIDAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!** " Rosalie screeched, murderous intent rolling off her in waves. 

Tobi hid behind Deidara as the other members looked up from their various projects in the living room. 

"He's done it now, un," Deidara chuckled, knowing Rosalie only screamed like that when she was beyond pissed. Nothing usually fazed the girl unless something made her really mad, which it seemed like Hidan had done. 

Rosalie stormed into the room then, her hands and bare feet coated with blood as she held a wad of bloody sheets in her hands. "Where is he?! I'm going to fucking kill him!" 

"Whoa, what happened to you, kid?" Kisame chuckled. "That time of the month already?"

Rosalie slowly turned her head in his direction, the scariest look he had ever seen on her face, hissing at him lowly. If he hadn't known the girl for awhile, he would have said she was a demon with the blood on her and the way her hair bristled about her head. "Hidan did his fucking ritual in my room! Where is he?! I'll tear him limb from limb!" 

"I told him he wasn't allowed to do his ritual in the base anymore," Kakuzu grumbled, already thinking of how much it was going to cost to clean the room and replace anything ruined.

"He _will_ pay! Where is he?!" Rosalie looked ready to commit murder.

Itachi pointed in the direction of the kitchen, not looking up from his book. 

Rosalie stormed off and found Hidan eating ribs without a care in the world. She stomped up to him and smashed his face down into his plate, shattering it and cracking the table.

Hidan's head popped up, sauce and meat smeared all over his face. "What the fucking hell was that for bitch?!" 

She shoved her soiled sheets in his face. 

"Get your fucking nasty shit out my face bitch!" Hidan shoved back.

"These are coated with your blood and the blood of the poor bastard you sacrificed to Jashin, you fucking asshole!" she yelled. "Kuzu said not to sacrifice in the base anymore and what do you do?! You fucking sacrifice in **my** room!" She grabbed the plate and lobbed it at him, feeling slightly satisfied when it shattered against his face, making him swear up a storm. While he was distracted with that, she went over to the knife block and pulled out two of the biggest and sharpest blades. After a mishap with some weapons a few weeks ago, all weapons had to be locked up in a secure vault in Pain's office. However, Rosalie was resourceful and was glad that no one had thought to remove the kitchen knives. 

Hidan looked up after getting the sauce out of his eyes and saw Rosalie advancing on him with the knives. He knew Rosalie was usually a peaceful sort of person, but the the fact she was coming at him with fucking huge kitchen blades told him he went too far and royally fucked up. But the idea of her hurting him turned him on for some reason. "Now, don't do something you'll regret bitch..." He held up his hands in an attempt to ward her off. Bad move on his part as she stabbed the blade into his hand.

" _That's_ for destroying my room!" she yelled, pulling the blade out and stabbing the other into his shoulder. " _That's_ for calling me bitch all the time!" She'd never admit it, but stabbing Hidan proved to be a rather good way to relieve stress. He wouldn't die and Kakuzu would just stitch him up later. 

Hidan on the other hand, was seriously getting off on the pain Rosalie was inflicting on him. He grabbed her hand when she brought down the blade again and caught the other when she swung that knife at him. "Fuck bitch, you have _no_ idea how fucking turned on I am. Wanna go to my room and fuck me?" He grinned, not at all bothered that both were covered in blood and she had wanted to murder him a few mere moments ago.

Rosalie blinked in surprise. That had been unexpected, or possibly not, considering it _was_ Hidan. He did get off on pain. She should have just cut his head off and used it as a soccer ball. Still, despite being an asshole with a foul mouth, he was attractive. Rosalie may have hated him from time to time, but she was still a woman and she was neither stupid nor blind. "I was just trying to kill you and you want me to have _sex_ with you?" 

"They say angry fucking is the best fucking." Hidan grinned shamelessly. 

Rosalie considered her options before shrugging and dropping the knives. "Eh, what the hell? Why not? I always knew you were a sadist and a masochist." 

"Damn right, bitch." Hidan picked her up and hoisted her over his shoulder, one hand firmly on her ass. 

She kicked him hard in the gut. "The name is Rosalie and you better use it or else I'll castrate you." 

"Damn woman! Where have you fucking been all my fucking life?" Hidan smirked, carrying her past the somewhat stunned members to his thankfully blood free room.

"I'm not paying to have that cleaned," Kakuzu grumbled as he stared at the trail of blood the two left behind.

"Deidara-senpai? Is Hidan going to kill Rosie-chan?" Tobi questioned Deidara.

Deidara was too shocked to say anything. First Rosalie wanted to kill Hidan and now they were off doing Kami knew what.

It didn't take long until all of them started hearing sounds from Hidan's room, moans mixed with curses and things breaking.

"Who knew Rosalie was so vocal, un." He didn't want to hear any of that and didn't blame Ariana when she came in and covered Tobi's ears.

Everyone quickly scattered for the next few hours before they cautiously ventured back to the base. It was quiet, too quiet. There was no sound from Hidan's room, yet the blood had been cleaned up. They peered into the living room and found Rosalie sitting on the couch, unharmed apart from a multitude of bruises, no doubt from Hidan, a satisfied grin on her face as she read a book. 

"Where's Hidan?" Pain questioned.

Rosalie simply smiled and moved a blanket that was lying next to her and held up Hidan's severed head, the mouth firmly duct taped. "I'm teaching him a lesson to not sacrifice in my room again," she stated simply. "Plus I have another way of getting back at Hidan. Witholding sex. Plus, he didn't apologise for ruining my room. Off with his head." She smiled sweetly when Hidan's eyes went wide when she mentioned that. 

Everyone stared at her as she plopped Hidan's head back onto the couch next to her and continued reading her book like nothing was amiss. 

"Rosie-chan is a scary girl when mad...!" Tobi whimpered from behind Deidara and Ariana. 

Needless to say, Hidan never did sacrifice in her room or anywhere in the base again. He wouldn't past Rosalie to follow through with her threat of castrating him. She did sever his head after all. Never mess with a redhead, especially a female redhead. Their wrath was some seriously fucking insane shit. And he wouldn't have his woman any other way.


	9. Tangled - Ariana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ariana's cat is a troll

"Hey, Konan?" Ariana asked as she poked her head around the kunoichi's door. "Have you seen Sev?"

"Who?" she asked blankly.

"My cat, Sev," the blonde explained, "He's kind of fluffy and black and has one white paw...sound familiar?"

"Can't say it does," Konan deadpanned, "Have you tried the kitchen?"

"Yep, and the TV room, the training arena and the garden." She bit her lip worriedly. "I'm kind of scared that Hidan killed him. He's always saying-"

" **ARIANA!** "

 Both women stared at each other after that very girly-man scream.

 "Please tell me you heard that."

 "Unfortunately." A nasty thought entered Konan's head. "Um, Ariana, your cat probably likes fish, right?"

 "Uh, yeah?" the blonde answered confusedly. 

 "And you know how we happen to have a half-human, half- _shark_ shinobi  living here?" Konan said pointedly.

 "Fuck! **I'M COMING KISAME!!!!** " Ariana yelled, barrelling down the corridor and through the base, arriving with a screech at the ropes room (why they had it, she still had to find out). She paused and took in the scene before her. Kisame was basically leaping from wall to wall with Sev chasing him on the ropes. She snickered, unable to help herself, and the sound attracted the attention of the ex-Kiri-nin.

"Ariana, your cat is trying to  _eat_ me!" he yelled, diving from the wall to land in front of her.

"I'm sorry!" the blonde wailed, starting to climb up the ropes to her evil cat. "Severus Snape, you are in so much trouble!"

Severus looked totally unamused as his mistress slowly made her way across the ropes towards him. His tail flicked playfully and he darted along another rope nearby, taking himself further away from his mistress. Ariana's jaw dropped.

"Severus, you little shit!" she breathed, "This isn't a game!"

After that proceeded a rather hilarious (to Kisame, anyway) game of cat and mouse. Every time Ariana drew near the feline, he'd leap away towards another rope, and she'd have to backtrack, cursing fluently. After about an hour of chasing a cat while Kisame was laughing his ass off at her from the ground, Ariana had had enough. She stopped and sat still on the rope, arms folded and a massive stink-face. Sev miaowed pitifully.

"Nope," she informed the cat flatly. "Not happening." Sev miaowed again. "No, Sev."

"Uh, Ari?" Kisame piped up.

"Shut up, shark-boy," she snarked. "I'm having a staring contest with my cat."

"But-"

"Do you  **WANT** me to let him eat you?"

" **ARIANA!** "

" **FUCKING WHAT?** "

"The rope's starting to fray."

Ariana blinked and looked in the direction that Kisame was pointing. True enough, the rope was starting to fray and untangle itself from the metal hook that had (u p until now) held it taut in the wall. 

" **FUCK! WHAT DO I DO?** " she wailed, throwing her arms around the rope she was sitting on. Kisame face-palmed.

"You could move to another rope for starters," he called up, eyebrow quirking when she shook her head frantically at him. "Why not?"

"I forgot I'm not comfortable with heights," she confessed.

" _Seriously_?" Kisame asked incredulously. "And you just went up there without a thought?"

"I wasn't looking down when I was climbing!" she said defensively, freezing when there was a slight movement in the rope. She glanced behind her, the colour draining from her face. "Sev!"

The feline had grown bored and had moved back down to Ariana's level; however, instead of going to his mistress, he found that the fraying rope-end was a much more amusing toy. He batted and played with and pulled at the rope, which was gradually loosening and growing slack. Ariana let out a quiet 'meep'.

"Ari? What's wrong?" Kisame called, a tad nervous.

"My cat is trolling me," she whispered, incredulous. "That little  _fucker_ ."

"What?"

"My- **FUCK!** " The rope gave way and Ariana fell, her hands scrabbling to grab hold of  _something_ , very desperate to not become a floor-pancake. Her eyes squeezed shut as she braced for impact.

"Oof!"

She landed with a thump on something warm and...not quite soft, but definitely not the stone floor. One eye opened and the other followed quickly. She was sprawled across their resident ex-Kiri-nin which was leading to a ton of awkwardness for Ariana. They just sort of lay there, staring at each other, unsure of what to do or say. 

"Hey! You two should kiss, un!"

Kisame went scarlet and flung Ariana off of him. "Screw you, Deidara!" he yelled at the explosives-nin who was lurking in the doorway with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. Ariana grinned as the two argued, brushing herself off and edging over to the pair.

"Hey, um, Kisame?" she stretched up on her tip-toes to plant a shy kiss on his cheek. "Thanks for catching me." She darted from the room, leaving a scarlet shark-nin and a snickering Deidara after her. Severus sat in one corner and licked his paws in a most satisfied manner.

He should do this trolling business more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, she named her cat after the Potions Master of Hogwarts. It's cause Snape's awesome. And if he were a cat, he'd totally troll people.


	10. Warmth - Rosalie

  
_Rain, rain, and oh look! Mor_ _e_ _rain!_ The redhead griped mentally as she plodded along behind her partner for the mission. She had been paired with Kisame, which was fine with her, apart from the fact they were walking in the rain. She normally liked the rain, it was relaxing to watch it from her window, but it was **NOT** fun when she had to walk in it, with cold winds blowing constantly and her shoes getting sucked into the mud with every step she took. She was freezing, even with the cloak and she couldn't feel her toes anymore. She could feel herself getting sick and it was all Kisame and Pain's fault! He thought it was a good idea for the girls to go on small missions, which was fine as long as it wasn't freaking raining!    


 

The rain didn't bother Kisame any. He quite liked it. It was relaxing walking in the rain. Plus, it was amusing to listen to his partner grumble under her breath when she thought he couldn't hear her. Though he wasn't liking the sounds that were coming from her now, coughing and sneezing. He knew he had to get her out of the rain quickly or else she'd end up sick, which would put Konan on his case. 

 

He looked around and noticed a cave nearby. He grabbed Rosalie's hand and headed towards it, trying not to wince at how icy her hand felt in his. "We're taking shelter." 

 

  
Rosalie could have cried with relief. Shelter meant that she could rest and get out of the cold. Why the hell did she agree to do missions, no matter how simple, in the first place? _It'll be easy they said. You might have fun, they said! Yeah right!_ She mentally groaned as she followed Kisam e , the mud still sucking at her feet and making unpleasant squelching sounds with every step she took.    


 

Kisame entered the cave first, scouting it out to make sure it was empty of both ninjas and animals, also checking to make sure it was structurally sound before calling Rosalie in. 

 

She scurried in and in her haste, bumped right into Kisame. She didn't care, just happy that she was out of the rain. 

 

  
Kisame set down his pack and luckily there was a pile of dry wood stacked up nearby, which meant the cave had been used before, but whoever was here last had been through a long time ago. A sneeze from Rosalie drew his attention back to her and he noticed how she was shivering so bad, her teeth were clacking a mile a minute. Since he had lived in Kiri before joining the Akatsuki, the cold and rain was never an issue with him or the other people in the villages, something they were just used to. But from what he knew, Rosalie usually stayed inside when it rained, unless it was one of those light, summer rains and then she'd go out and dance in it without a care in the world. He'd never tell anyone, but he liked watching her dance in the rain. It was mesmerising. Still, she wasn't used to being in freezing rain and wind for hours. He recalled what Konan had taught him and the others on what to do when encountering freezing temperatures. He knew if he didn't do something quick, Rosalie could end up with hypothermia or some other illness.    


 

Rosalie seemed to have this thought in mind as she let down her pack and started working on building a fire, her hands shaking. She knew if she didn't get a fire going and got warm, she'd be in big trouble. She was surprised yet grateful when Kisame gently took the flint from her and built the fire up to a sizeable blaze, filling the cave with warmth.

 

"You need to get out of those," Kisame's voice cut through her lulled mind. 

 

She flushed red when she noticed he was pointing at her clothes, but knew he was right. 

 

Kisame turned around for the sake of her modesty, pulling out a scroll and poofing out the supplies sealed inside, one of which was a warm blanket. He tossed it over to Rosalie and he assumed she caught it as she uttered her thanks before the sound of rustling clothes reached his ears. He started doing the same, stripping out of his cloak and shirt, leaving his pants on. 

 

Rosalie hung up everything except her underwear to dry and wrapped the blanket around her tightly. She plopped down in front of the fire, making no plans to move anytime soon. 

 

Kisame finished and sat next to her. He smirked when he caught her ogling him and she blushed as red as her hair as she quickly looked away. He frowned though when noticed that she was still shivering. He reached over and picked her up with ease, ignoring her squeal of surprise as he sat her in his lap. 

 

Rosalie held onto the blanket tighter when Kisame tried taking it from her. 

 

"Calm down, you're still cold. Konan will kill me if she finds out I let you get sick. The best way to warm you up is to share body heat." 

 

Rosalie didn't want to give up the blanket, but she knew he had a point. She crossed her arms over her chest as Kisame took the blanket and pulled her to his chest. She was grateful when Kisame wrapped the blanket around her back, but blushed even deeper when Kisame wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her still. He was so warm and didn't smell fishy like she originally thought; rather, he smelled like the ocean, which was pleasant overall. She felt herself lulled as she listened to his heartbeat, exhaustion catching up to her as she fell into a deep sleep. 

 

Kisame noticed she fell asleep and didn't want to move her as she was still shaking a bit. He stretched out on the ground and decided to close his eyes for a few moments. When he opened them again, the fire was out and the sunlight was seeping into the cave, the sounds of birds singing in the trees was heard in the distance. He looked down to see Rosalie hadn't moved from her spot. She looked quite small compared him, especially when she was curled into a ball. He didn't want to ruin the peaceful image, but he knew they had to get moving. He set her down on the ground and walked over to their clothes, happy to see that they had dried overnight. 

 

Rosalie stretched out on the floor, peering blearily around the cave before her gaze landed on Kisame's form. She watched as the muscles in his back strained and rippled as he dressed, her cheeks burning again. She was sure at this rate her face would remain red. She wrapped the blanket around her as she stood up, walking over to retrieve her clothes. She got dressed and followed Kisame out of the cave.

 

The mud was quickly drying, making their walk much smoother. Rosalie hummed as she walked, feeling happy. She glanced at Kisame and then down at his hand as it hung by his side. She sidled up to him and slipped her hand into his. 

 

Kisame looked down at her in surprise, getting a smile in return. He didn't tell her to let go, instead just closed his fingers around her hand. He was rewarded with another beaming smile and he gave a grin of his own. 

 

After that day, Rosalie had a new body pillow that became her favourite, because this one was warm and could hold her back.


	11. The Sweet Things - Ariana

"I-ta-chi-kun!" Ariana sang out as she knocked on the shinobi's door. "Time for breakfast!"

She couldn't believe this was happening. She was actually **LIVING** in Akatsuki HQ (after Leader-sama had interrogated the shit out of her and Rosalie to make sure they weren't enemy spies....pshh) and able to interact with shinobi that, at home, had only existed in someone's imagination. She was living the dream.

Or she would be, if Itachi got the hell up.

"Itachi!" she repeated, knocking sharply. "Up!" She huffed when there was no answer. "I'm coming in," she called, her hand on the doorknob. "You'd better be decent."

She pushed open the door, her eyes searching for the bed. _Damn it's dark in here. Frigging vampire,_ she huffed, making her way over to the bed.

"Itachi, come on. Food," she repeated, poking the lump under the duvet.

 

"No."

 

Ariana's jaw dropped. "You ungrateful little shit," she snapped. "I made your favourite this morning as well."

 

The lump twitched.

 

"Dango?"

 

"Yes, and pancakes too," the blonde said, rolling her eyes. "With strawberries and syrup and your favourite tea."

 

The lump seemed to deflate. 

 

"I can't eat today."

 

Blue eyes blinked. "Come again?"

 

The lump sighed and then unravelled to reveal the Uchiha in his pjs...with thick white bandages around his eyes.

 

"Shit," she breathed, sitting down on the bed. "What happened? Did you use Amaterasu?"

 

"How did-" he shook his head. "Never mind. But yes, I did."

 

"And you don't want to eat 'cause you're Uchiha and Uchiha don't like admitting they need help," she summarised. She took his silence as confirmation.  "Fine, I'll make an excuse at breakfast for you," she sighed, standing and brushing herself off. "You go have a shower and I'll bring a tray down. Did you take your meds?"

 

He shook his head, looking a little like a kid who'd been told off. Her heart softened.

 

"I'll bring them down too. Just take it easy today," she called over her shoulder. "I'll be back soon."

 

_Uchiha_ , she thought with a grin.  _Those tragically adorable bastards. Gotta love 'em._

 

By the time Itachi had managed to have a shower and half-dress himself, Ariana had come back with a (presumably) full tray, if the clinking of crockery was anything to go by. Ariana put the tray on Itachi's desk and turned around with a cheerful smile before promptly going scarlet.  _Bastard_ **_would_ ** _be shirtless, wouldn't he?_ she snarked to herself. Though she'd totally deny it, he was totally gorgeous. He was like a panther, she decided, her eyes fixed on the smooth skin and the rippling muscles. Sleek, but powerful. Beautiful and dangerous.

 

"Is something wrong?" he asked in that not-really-a-question way of his. She ran a hand through her hair nervously.

 

"Nope, nothing!" she laughed, grabbing him by the wrist and ushering him over to the desk, pushing him into his chair. "Come on, food's ready, eat up! It's totally delicious!" Aaaaaand she was babbling. Dear god, she hated when she did that. "Now, I'm sure you can manage here for a few minutes? I'm going to go and, um, find my cat. Hidan was annoyed when Sev hacked up a hairball on him this morning so-"

A lean, powerful hand grasped her wrist and yanked her back. She landed in an undignified heap in ( _oh dear lord,_ **_kill_ ** _me_ ) Itachi's lap.

 

"I-I-Itachi?" she squeaked. Her face felt like it was on fire.

 

"You need to feed me," he stated, keeping her seated with his hands on her hips. "I do not wish to make a mess."

 

"A-Ahhh, um...." Ariana stuttered, panicking. "W-What do you-"

 

"Strawberry."

 

Mute, she picked up one of the soft berries from its bowl and pressed it hesitantly against his lips. He took a bite, the sticky juice trickling down her fingers and staining her skin. She twitched.

 

"What."

 

"I-I need a tissue," she explained quietly, trying to slip away. She'd have better luck tugging on a statue. Without a word, one of his hands reached up and took hold of the hand holding the half-eaten fruit, pressing his mouth against the stained skin and starting to _lick_ her hand clean. Well, perhaps lick was the incorrect word - it was more like he was pressing kisses to her skin and lapping away the strawberry juice in the same motion. Whatever he was doing, it was making her feel _very_ hot and bothered.

 

"Itachi-" she was cut off when he pushed the other half of the strawberry into her mouth.

 

"Eat."

 

Ariana just gave up before she started and chewed. As expected, it was cool, refreshing, and rather sweet. 

 

Just like a certain shinobi she'd come to appreciate.

 


	12. Just One Little Smile - Rosalie

He never smiled. Rosalie wasn't sure if it was because he just never felt the need to or he just didn't know how. So, she made it her personal mission to make him smile. She didn't care if Deidara thought she was crazy. You had to be some degree of crazy to survive in this place. 

 

So, she began her mission. She tried comedy shows and films. Nope. Not even a twitch of the lips. She wasn't one to be so easily discouraged so she tried jokes. That didn't work either. She was really starting to think he didn't have a sense of humour either. Pushing the corners of his mouth up didn't do any good and she had to scamper when his eyes started going red. So she continued her plotting out of sight. She wracked her brains, trying to think of something that would make him smile. She knew he loved his brother, but bringing Sasuke into the base or finding a picture album didn't end well in her head. So that was out. What else could she possibly do? Then it hit her. Dango! She knew Itachi was crazy about the stuff, even if he'd never fully admit it. 

 

Now how to get it? There wasn't a dango shop in town and it was too far to walk to one by herself, not that Pain would let her. He still thought she'd find trouble somehow. It wasn't like she actively went looking for it! It found her! She couldn't ask any of the members to go with her, they'd probably blab or Itachi would want to go and her surprise would be ruined. 

 

She got an idea. A truly genius idea. It was going to cost her most of the allowance she got every month and she wouldn't be able to get that new book she had been saving for, but it was all worth it for Itachi. Now she had to get out of the base. 

 

In retrospect, trying to sneak out of a base full of S-Rank ninjas may not have been her smartest idea. In her defence, she thought the insanely loud and violent argument between Hidan and Deidara would give her the needed cover. Which had worked for the most part, except she forgot to take Konan into account. Which led to her current situation of trying to explain why she needed to leave the base without letting anyone know what she was up to. 

 

Konan stared at the girl in front of her, knowing it'd be a matter of time before she broke and everything spilled. She wasn't disappointed when Rosalie cracked and told Konan that she was going to make a surprise for Itachi in an effort to make him smile as all other attempts had failed. Konan regarded the girl before speaking. "Is this a mission?" 

 

Rosalie looked at the older woman blankly before catching on. She nodded, her expression serious.

 

Konan nodded and stepped aside. "You have one hour to gather the needed materials for your mission." 

 

Rosalie saluted before she dashed off into the village, the plain black cloak she wore and the rain providing her excellent cover. She managed to get everything she needed and was able to get extra ingredients in case she messed up. Which was a sure thing, no matter how good a cook she was. She had never made dango before and she was sure Kakuzu would not be happy if she asked for an advancement in her allowance because she had to go out buy more ingredients because she messed up. 

 

She carefully made her way into the base towards the kitchen, Konan no doubt making sure everyone was preoccupied so she could complete her mission. She knew she didn't have a lot of time before the smell wafted through the base and she'd be fighting off a horde of males with bottomless pits for stomachs. She tied her hair back and got everything set out, putting on an apron and rolling up her sleeves. How hard could it be? 

 

It turned to to be harder than she thought. Either the dango wouldn't stay formed, or it tasted horrible or she burned it. One even blew up!  She lost count of how many failed batches she had made and was close to tears. She was sure Itachi was going to hate her for basically murdering his favourite food. It just wasn't fair. She pulled out the final batch, not even testing it. What was the point? It was a failure like all the other ones, so why bother? Frustrated beyond belief, Rosalie sat right there on the floor and started to cry. 

 

"What are you doing?" An all too familiar voice spoke from the door and it wasn't one she wanted to hear at that exact moment. 

 

She looked up and there stood Itachi, studying her form which was coated in various substances from her attempts at dango making. "What's it look like I'm doing?" She snapped, her patience gone. "I've been trying all week to try and make you smile and I thought making you dango would help, but I fucked up and it all turned to shit!" She was thoroughly embarrassed with how she must have looked, coated in gunk and her eyes red and puffy from crying. 

 

"What about that one?" Itachi pointed out to the batch she had just pulled out. 

 

"Probably poisoned," she muttered resentfully. 

 

Itachi didn't say a word as he walked over and picked up one of the sticks. He bit off a piece and chewed it quietly before he swallowed, his expression unreadable. Then, to Rosalie's surprise and joy, a small smile crept across his lips. "It's good. You did a good job."

 

  
Rosalie smiled back, happy her mission had ended in success after so many attempts.  _He really does look handsome when he smiles,_  she realised with a blush. She turned away to clean up the counter and startled when there was a very light brush of lips against her cheek, the plate of dango gone when she blinked. She turned around, only to find Itachi gone, but there was no doubt he had kissed her cheek. She touched her cheek in a rather dazed manner, a dreamy smile on her lips. She noticed he had left her a dango stick and she picked it up, pulling a piece into her mouth. She chewed once before promptly spitting it out. It tasted horrible! She scrubbed her tongue with a wet paper towel, trying to rid herself of the taste when she paused. Then it hit her as an exasperated smile appeared.   


 

  
_That bastard! He said it had tasted good even though it was horrible? Why would he do that?_ She wondered _. Maybe he does have a soft spot in him.. Or he just felt sorry for me._ Rosalie shook her head, knowing he'd deny it if she brought it up.    


 

  
She cleaned up the kitchen and eyed the dango stick again, taking another piece. As she chewed, the horrible taste went away and was replaced with a rather pleasant taste.  _Needs work._ She decided. _At least I know who I can count on to taste test them. Why do I feel like he just taught me a life lesson? Maybe it's don't give up or don't judge based on first impressions. Damn Uchiha, why must they be so confusing?_   



End file.
